Monday, July 31, 2000

I'm in the kind of mood where I wish it was a week from now. I'm not looking forward to finals. I'm not prepared at all. I haven't done any of my reading. Though my classes are pretty easy I have a mountain of catching up to do, and all in the next 48 hours. (Bleh) I just want the next couple of days behind me.

And after this is all over I get to go on a road trip! Can't wait! I've never been on a road trip that wasn't a school function, with family, or lasted more than 300 miles. Usually if I need to get somewhere I just hop on a plane, but the problem is that I never get to travel with friends. I think it will be fun to drive across the mid-west and stop at all of the cheesy attractions (Look! It's the world's largest wicker basket!). Why does time pass so slowly when I'm waiting for something?

posted by Alison 7/31/2000 07:55:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Spent most of last weekend wearing glasses and bumping in to things. They aren't very good glasses; they weren't really fitted for me. The eyeglasses makers just filled the prescription and gave them to my parents, who in turn sent them to me in DC. I was only there to select the frames, so they don't exactly fit my head. I can't drive in them, so if I want to take a break from them it has to be on a weekend where I'm not going anywhere. I've worn contacts for so long that I've forgotten that I'm almost blind. It's a scary thing when you wake up in the morning and you can't see anything.

posted by Alison 7/31/2000 07:41:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Sunday, July 30, 2000

I also had an interesting grocery run yesterday. My mom needed a few things for her party so she was kind of in a rush. I, on the other hand, tagged along just to get the week's household shopping out of the way. The result: My mom wanted to move very quickly, I would go and get something that was out of the way, I would then turn around and she would be gone. Suddenly I would be on a episode of supermarket sweep: chasing after the cart, dumping the armload of whatever I was carrying, and then running back to get whatever I missed. After a while, I started grabbing random things that we really didn't need and just tossing them in the cart. I'm not really sure what to do with the pound of tofu that I bought. Serving suggestions are welcome.

posted by Alison 7/30/2000 02:41:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Yesterday my parents threw a party. That is something that has both good and bad consequences for me. On the bad side it meant that I had to do a lot of involuntary cleaning. There was nothing worse for me growing up than to wake up to the sound of my mother vacuuming in the morning. That always meant one thing: cleaning, and then my mom getting mad that it wasn't done well enough, and then cleaning it all over again. Even hearing the constant hum of our vacuum today irritates me beyond reason.

The good side was that I had and excuse to get out of the house for an evening. I rented a Wallace and Gromit film and spent some time at la casa de Melanie. She finally got her license a few days ago, so we ended up driving to a few grocery stores in search of crusty French bread and pretzels. I'd never ridden in a car where she was driving, so it was good fun. It seems that most new drivers are either completely reckless or overly cautious. I'm glad Mel is on the cautious side.

posted by Alison 7/30/2000 02:26:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Friday, July 28, 2000

I woke up today with a mouth full of blood. I keep biting my tongue in my sleep.

posted by Alison 7/28/2000 10:19:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Thursday, July 27, 2000

Sometimes I fall in to this depression and suddenly I am a cat sliding down a slate roof. I flail and try to catch stone shingles my my claws, but they just glance off. And so I slide further and further until I land with a thud on the lawn below. And the apex looks so far away that I wonder how I'd ever gotten up there in the first place.

posted by Alison 7/27/2000 02:01:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Wednesday, July 26, 2000

You want to know the one great thing about the Catholic Church? It has the confession box as free therapy. I haven't had reconciliation since I was in elementary school. I'm not even a very good Catholic, I never go to mass. But still, there's this little piece of me that wants to confess everything I've done wrong to someone who will never tell. I want to feel cleansed. I want someone to tell me that I'll be completely forgiven if I say a couple of Hail Marys. It sounds like a quick fix, but I'm craving one right now. What have I done that's so wrong? Nothing big. I've just done hundreds of little things that I constantly beat myself up about. And some how if I close myself in a little box with someone, it will all be okay. And it's not sin necessarily, I've done lots of things that the church considers sins...It's just that I don't regret them at all. I just want to scrape these little wrongs off of me, and live without beating myself up. Actually, just writing this has made me fell better.

posted by Alison 7/26/2000 11:03:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

It seems that X-H3RO feels the same way about having a public blog. More than a few of her friends were reading her journal and objecting to the more personal entries. I think that I'll have to try and find that balance, too. I'll never be able to be completely open if I have friends (and especially family) reading what I consider to be personal thoughts. But at the same time it's nice when friends read my blog and feel more in contact with me (and even send me a "Thank you" for a plug). Well, I guess this is becoming a moot point, I've decided to buy my own domain and that's a lot harder to hide from people. Maybe I'll just ask anybody who knows me not to take anything personally.

posted by Alison 7/26/2000 10:50:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Tuesday, July 25, 2000

Today has been a day full of frustration. Yesterday was much better. Only one class and then I went and had dinner with Melanie. I want to cry because I won't get home until 8:30 tonight and only after sitting through a class that I hate. I'm just going to stop now because this is not a medium for bitching. Bleh.

I talked to lots of people last night. It was nice to hear from Aaron again, even if some of his friends have got some exaggerated ideas about the nature of my relationship with Clark. Isn't the sheer dirtyness of the human imagination great?

I also talked to Glenn for the first time since he arrived in Japan. He had some very funny things to say about Japanese rap music and the general adjustments he's had to make in order to live half way around the world. His Journal also has a ton of good stuff.

Wow. This has been a pretty shallow entry. It's probably a result of not knowing what is too personal for me. A paper journal entry from a few days ago:

I don't know what's wrong with me when it comes to my blog. I walk around all day with these complex, beautiful thoughts in my head. But when I finally sit down to write in my blog, only things like "Ummm...I had a sandwich today," pop into my head.

I will admit that today I have had few thoughts that were either complex or beautiful.

Some blogs are just links to cool stuff, others are profound and honest forms of self expression. (An example) I think I might open up when I finally change locations, but that also means that a good portion of the people I know might not be notified when I move. It's much easier to be open to strangers. Knowing that there is a good chance that my parents will be reading my blog and telling my loud mouthed relatives about it, I feel safer this way.

posted by Alison 7/25/2000 04:06:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Monday, July 24, 2000

I've written a ton of things in my journal since my last entry. I'm debating as to whether or not I should publish a good deal of it. Hmmm. How much privacy do I want?

I spent the last three days in a cocoon in Nebraska. It was something that I had planned only a few days before, but it was something that I had needed very much. Actually, this has been the 3rd time that I went to Omaha in only 8 months. I ate so many wonderful things that sometimes I just had to lay on the floor and not move for hours.

I miss Clark already, but I always miss him when he's not around. If I didn't have such an easy means of travel, I don't know what I'd do. Sometimes it's hard to talk to my friends in Georgia and when Clark isn't around it's so much harder to talk to him. So I feel cut off when I go back to Atlanta and I realize that I really don't have anyone I can really talk to. Kind of depressing. But it will make me that much happier when we finally move back into the dorms again.

posted by Alison 7/24/2000 11:01:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Wednesday, July 19, 2000

Yesterday, Senator Paul Coverdell died. It was something that happened quite suddenly, the sort of thing that took the whole state by surprise. Tomorrow his body will be displayed in the state capitol building. Since the building itself is only a few blocks from Georgia State, I went down to check it out. The building is currently undergoing renovations, so it is a bit of a mess. Lots of scaffoldings and paint chips everywhere. I met a nice security guard who told me that the building had been strangely quiet all day, few people were coming in to work. He suspected that there would be a big rush later today to get everything fixed up. The security guard was also was nice enough to let me wander around the nearly empty building by myself, I only saw a couple of people, most who looked like they were planning for the next day's viewing. The hall of flags and natural history exhibits I remember from my childhood are gone, but I did manage to find the Governor's office. It looks a lot like it belongs to a school principal.

I suppose the downtown area will be crazy tomorrow, lots of people will be coming to view the late senator. I'll probably be one of them, although I'm more familiar with his campaign song than his platform.

posted by Alison 7/19/2000 01:03:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Sunday, July 16, 2000

I've neglected my blog for a couple of days (bad me). To many things to do, too many tests.

Oh, happy thing. This weekend I'm going back to Nebraska, it will be so great to get out of Atlanta for a little while. A nice weekend between the mounds of tests I've been having. Although this really isn't a vacation spot for most people, it's nice to see your friends where you can. It will be a nice recharge of comraderie before I return to DC in over a month.

posted by Alison 7/16/2000 10:17:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Wednesday, July 12, 2000

Yesterday I saved a box turtle from certain death. It was trying to cross the street as quickly as it could, but it was a tortoise so it was not getting very far very fast. And whenever a car would pass by, the creature would hide in its shell and then peak out when the coast was clear. So after I'd almost ran it over, I pulled into someone's driveway and quickly moved the turtle across the road. I hope it's happy on that side of the road, because I'm not going to be around move it back. And there's always squashed tortises in my neighbor hood, people drive too fast and don't really care what they run over, even if it's the neighbor's kids.

posted by Alison 7/12/2000 01:06:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Sunday, July 09, 2000

Today I drank tea and read old emails. If it had been raining, it would have been perfect. There's something odd about reading things that were written a long time ago, it seems like you're invading someones privacy, when you're really just reading your own stuff. Maybe it's that disconnection problem I have. I've also been typing up some of the stuff from my paper journal or this blog. I'm having second thoughts. Some things are too personal, others are just too badly written, even more are both. {See Below}

posted by Alison 7/09/2000 09:07:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

{This is an old journal entry from early June. And though it sounds like it was written on the 3rd of June, it was actually written a few days later. I just find it easier to write like that.}

Today is a Saturday. This morning at 4:00 I woke up in Miami, Fl and by 6:30 I was on a plane bound for Atlanta. I watched the sun rise while sitting in the terminal. I stared at it almost the entire time until it stared hurting my eyes. I was dazed from only having a few hours of sleep, but the anticipation of getting to Nebraska kept me fidgety and wide awake.

When I got to Atlanta I was halfway there, they had served breakfast on the plane, but I found myself unable to eat it. When I was on my way back to the ticketing terminal I talked to someone from Kyoto in Japanese, my first Japanese conversation with a stranger outside of class. It turns out that he had worked in the World Bank building across the street from my dorm. I made a lot of mistakes but he was very patient with me. We parted ways and I made my way to the listing phone. I had to use one of my priority passes because that was all I had left, but it didn't matter. I would have actually paid for a ticket to get to Omaha.

Again it was all rush, rush until I was finally seated on a plane bound for Omaha. I think I stared out the window almost the entire time. Skipped the complimentary breakfast again. I wanted the plane to go faster, I think few people want to get to Nebraska as much as I wanted to. I almost peeled the upholstery off of the armrest waiting for the plane to pull into the gate. It was agonizing to wait as the little walkway was slowly put into place. I was one of the first people off of the plane. And when I emerged in the airport terminal, I was shocked to see Clark standing there. It was only very rarely that I had ever been picked up at the terminal, I was expecting to meet him at the curb outside of the baggage claim. And though I had ached to see him for so long, I couldn't even put down my rolling suitcase to give him a hug. Maybe there were just too many people around, and I still had my old paranoias from back in DC. It wasn't until we got back to his car that I could give him a hug.

A few hours later I was at the house of someone who I had met only a few hours earlier. It a graduation for one of Clark's friends that I had heard about but never met, his name was Chris. Chris lived in a house that reminded me of a life sized Victorian dollhouse. I was amazed by the perfection of every little detail. Someone even had the forethought to lay out comfy looking blankets on the back lawn. So when everyone decided to play a game of basketball, I had the perfect opportunity to finally lay down. The lawn looked like a perfect green sheet and was partially shaded by a big oak tree. There was a half buried truck tire to sit climb on, but it felt much better to kick off my shoes and stretch on one of the comforters. It was the perfect temperature. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and when I looked up it filled my field of vision, unbroken except for the occasional bird flying overhead. I wasn't sleepy at all just completely at peace. I would look through the slats of the picket fence and watch the people playing basketball, but mostly I would close my eyes and let my thoughts wonder. Just a few hours ago I had been 1, 500 miles away, halfway across the country. I was away from whatever had made me upset and angry a few days before. I felt tired, but the good, satisfying sort of tired, the kind that made me feel complete. It was such a different feeling to just lay down in the grass and do nothing compared to the rushing through airports that I had done earlier. It is a wonderful thing to be inert.

posted by Alison 7/09/2000 02:06:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Thursday, July 06, 2000

The battle with the coconut is finally over. It tasted nice in the pineapple-coconut smoothie my mom made me. (Revenge is sweet.)

Really, I've spent a week trying to get this coconut open, and when I couldn't it would just laugh at me. It has three little dents on one end from where it was attached to the tree, but if you hold it just right it looks like one of those baby seals that people club and make into fur coats. And though it was quite cute, it had a sinister agenda. (Truthfully, I'm embellishing. I just like making fruit sound evil.)

Anyway, ever since my mom got this new blender that crushes Ice (and therefore makes great smoothies), I've been thinking about how great it would be to have fresh coconut with one. About 5 or 6 days ago, I bought a whole coconut at the grocery store. It had a little groove in the middle where it had been partially sawed into, so I thought that it would be a snap to crack open. I was so wrong. I tried a serrated knife, a butcher knife, and considered using a chain saw. After more gentle means, I resorted to banging the coconut on the kitchen counter, and when that didn't work I tried banging it on the floor. No results, just the sloshing of the coconut milk inside. Finally, my mom and I decided to try drastic measures and prepared to get out the hack saw. So, to show my mom how resilient my coconut nemesis was, I threw it on the driveway. It popped right open, spilling coconut milk all over me. And the funny part: it hadn't even split open anywhere near the little groove in the middle. And though the milk was lost, I finally got to have fresh coconut. Yum.

posted by Alison 7/06/2000 11:43:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

The world looks a little brighter. I got my last test grade back and I am quite pleased with the results. It was quite nice to have such good results when last week was so stressful. Three tests in two days usually sucks, but when it's the summer session and you have to cover twice as much material in the same amount of time, three summer tests= six regular tests. I can at least breathe until next week when I have 3 tests again. At least there are only 3 1/2 weeks left in the semester. Once it's all over, I think I'll go traveling again. It would be nice to go to New York again and maybe go back to Nebraska for a couple of days.

Oh, yeah Delta changed its policy again, so I can go places with just my card again. So, everyone: Fly Delta! Delta is good! They are nice to me! Actually, I should be reading my sociology stuff, now, but I'm giving myself a much-undeserved break. I at least did all of my homework for that class, and I did well on the last test (even though I crammed). Next week is going to hurt if I keep this laziness up, but for now it feels good.

posted by Alison 7/06/2000 03:47:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Wednesday, July 05, 2000

Today, I went to school. It was just one class, though, and it didn't start until 2:00. Today was the first really hot day in a long time and my little car doesn't have air conditioning. So, I was sweaty and cranky by the time I got to school. I hate the way Atlanta looks when it's sweltering outside. Everything is so bleached out and dirty looking, the haze hangs in the air over the city so that it looks out of focus no matter how close you are. And there's a drought again, just like last year. Whole groves of trees are dying. They sag and their leaves are limp and yellow; it's like all of the heat is just weighing upon them. Even pine trees are turning brown and dying. I used to love the drive along I-75 and how it was always lined with green, healthy trees. Now it's just depressing. The same thing happened last summer, everyone's lawn turned a dirty brown; there wasn't rain for weeks and weeks. It seems to be happening again. I remember moving to Washington at the end of last summer. I don't think the campus had ever seemed so green. The rose garden was full of flowers; you could smell them from a block away. And though GW has only a few green spaces and gardens, it was a much welcomed change from the dying vegetation of Georgia. I miss DC so much. Less than two months to go.

posted by Alison 7/05/2000 07:57:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Right now there are about 20 blue jays in my back yard trying to kill each other. They are all squwaking at each other quite loudly. I wonder what they're fighting over.

posted by Alison 7/05/2000 11:34:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Tuesday, July 04, 2000

My brother has some very noisy friends so I ended up hiding up in my room the whole time. They're finally gone. My parents must have thought that it was very unpatriotic of me to decline viewing the fireworks with them on our boat. But I wanted to take advantage of the few quiet moments before everyone gets back. I've never been very captivated with fireworks and I don't think it would be so bad if missed them this year. Although I'm sure there are a lot of people who would tell me differently.

posted by Alison 7/04/2000 08:59:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Happy Independence Day, everybody. Today, I woke up not feeling so great. I didn't really think that my family would be doing anything for the fourth because (1) No one had told me anything...(2) There had recently been a death in the family. But when I went downstairs this morning, the kitchen counter was covered with barbecue type food and there was a whole watermelon in the sink. I'm really the only person in my household who eats watermelon, and I don't even like it that much. That alone was evidence that this would not just be a family get-together. It turned out that a lot of people from my church were coming over along with a horde of my brother's friends. I was feeling too sick to even talk to anyone and luckily my mom understood. So I get to stay inside with my computer instead of mingle. Lucky Me!

posted by Alison 7/04/2000 01:36:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

Monday, July 03, 2000

Every time I've read something that I wrote years ago it's like I'm reading something that was written by someone entirely else. It seems that I lost whoever I was as I get older and further away from my past selves. That is probably the main reason that I am keeping this web journal. Even if I keep it locked away in a safe place, I'll be able to read it later. And though it will probably seem that I am reading the rants of a complete stranger, I'll at least have an idea of who she was.

posted by Alison 7/03/2000 10:41:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Okay, I'm going to try again.

posted by Alison 7/03/2000 12:08:00 AM : (0) comments : splink

Sunday, July 02, 2000

Well, this is my first blog, it's a test I guess.

posted by Alison 7/02/2000 09:57:00 PM : (0) comments : splink

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